14 years !?

15 Aug

The day I gave H a ring and we announced that we were getting married, I was a wreck. All day long we were getting congratulations and “Oh, I knew it!” “You belong together!” blah blah blah. I tried to smile and act like I was excited, but I was scared to death.

I was 21 years old. I liked girls a lot. I liked to flirt a lot. To be honest, I thought maybe I was too young and thought maybe I should keep myself untethered and sow a few more wild oats before settling down. What if somebody else came along later who was better? Hotter? ?

These are the thoughts/questions of an idiot; A very lucky idiot.

The night we made that announcement, after Holly had gone home and I was back in my room, I sat down and wrote a list all the reasons I could think of why we’d make a good married couple. Also, a friend who I looked up to a lot talked to me about what made him decide to get married. He said that he was really worried about the whole thing. He kept asking himself all these “what if” questions. The fact is, I probably have met somebody else in my life that I could marry and be happy with. I probably will meet somebody else in my life again. But that’s not the point of marriage. Marriage is a decision to commit and say, “this is it. This is the one. I’m going to stick with this one no matter what else comes along.”

This doesn’t seem particularly romantic in the way hollywood would have us understand romance. I can imagine some people reading this and mistakenly thinking: “wow, that’s really sad. What about passion? What about the breathless feeling that happens with infatuation? Why would I want to give up the opportunity for that by tying myself down?” And I’d say that’s part of the mystery of it all that’s not too unlike what I’ve been experiencing the last 15+ months with Ivy. The fact is what I have gained far outweighs any “opportunities” that I may or may not be available for anymore.

I don’t really think this blog is written very well and I imagine some could read this and think it’s particularly unromantic. But what I’m trying to say is that I have been so blessed by my wife. She’s smart in ways that I am not. She’s joyful in ways that I am not and helps me to be more joyful. She’s strong in ways that I am not and she supports me when I need it. She is loving in ways that I am not, and yet continues to love me even when I do poorly at loving her back in the ways that she needs.

I can’t believe that we’ve been married for 14 years now. That’s a long time. And to think that we still get along, we still have fun, we still work things out together, we still laugh and we know each other better than anybody else and yet still want to hang around each other. One of the most fun things of my marriage is to be in the same house as Holly while she’s watching America’s Funniest Home videos all by herself.

And now, we’ve made this gorgeous little girl who’s bound us together as 3 instead of 2. Add to everything else that she’s a great mom to Ivy.

I know that I’ve said it before, but I am blessed beyond measure or reason. I’m looking forward to the next 14 years and more.


Posted by on August 15, 2007 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “14 years !?

  1. Rustin S

    August 16, 2007 at 4:19 am

    Congratulations, Derek (and family)!

  2. Jennifer

    August 16, 2007 at 5:54 pm

    I think it’s funny that you made the list AFTER you gave her the ring.

  3. Holly

    August 18, 2007 at 5:03 am

    Ha! Jennifer you are right, that is really funny. It’s just like Derek to make a big decision and still contemplate (for weeks) whether it’s the right one. He’s gotten much better though at trusting his decisions.

    And wow this blog entry was WAAAAAYYY better than the card he forgot to get me! 🙂


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