death sucks

28 Jun

I know I’ve been slacking last week. Instead of blogging, I finished reading Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath. What a horribly sad story. Good, though. When I get my hands on books like that, I just can’t put them down. Then, when I finish, I have a hard time finding something else to read because the writing was so fantastic, few things can measure up.

I’m trying to read 2001 at the suggestion of my sister. Let it be known that I pretty much hate Kubrick movies, but I’m hoping the A.C. Clarke novel will be much better.

Holly and I are driving to Wichita today. Her 70-something, spunky grammy was re-married about 5-6 years ago to a great guy named Will. He now has cancer that is in a bunch of his vital organs. He tried a round of chemo earlier when they first found it, but then when that didn’t do anything, he said that was it for that. No more chemo. And he started preparing to die. Over Father’s day weekend, he told Holly’s mom that he didn’t think he was going to make it to his next birthday. That’s July 1st.

I guess I’m kinda scared. What do you say to somebody that you really like and respect who you know isn’t going to be here much longer? How am I supposed to act? Do the rules of propriety or manners have any weight or importance anymore? Isn’t it stupid to say, “I’m really going to miss you.” But, that’s all I know to say.

I’ve had two people that I was very close to die in my life so far. One was my friend, Tim. The other was my dad. They both died within about 5 months of each other about 10 years ago. Both died suddenly: Tim in a freak accident and my dad had a stroke. That kind of mourning, when it sneaks up on you, is shocking and difficult and I don’t want to go through that. But this may be worse. I like Will a lot. He’s made grammy really happy and she’s lived through some marriages with some real jerks. Not only that, Will and I both married into the family and I think we connected with each other more than anybody else other than our respective spouses.

I don’t have any answers and I’m not even sure I know the questions. But that’s what I’m going to be doing for the next two days. Like I said, death sucks.

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Posted by on June 28, 2004 in Uncategorized


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